Hello again, world! I know I’ve been posting the minimum charts tuesday practically for a few weeks now. I’m sure you miss hearing my lovely stories, NSVs and the like. Well, the weight (hehe) is over. For today at least. Just so you know, I’mjuststarted my summer semester of my final stretch of my grad school. If you’re an avid reader, you’d know that I’m graduating in December of this year (whoo hoo), but this month and bleeding into June will the absolute most busiest I have ever been in my entire life. My friends, I’m sure, are sick of hearing my annoying banter about my tough schedule, but at least I’ve started it, and now all I have to do is live through it. THAT is the reason why I’ve been light on the posts and will continue to be for a few more weeks. Except today. Today, I have things to say. Obviously, since this is my 3rd consecutive post of today.

Overall, my life has been fairly consistant. I’ve started week four of the Couch To 5K program, and I’ve succesfully knocked off day one. I’m VERY proud of myself on that one, as week four coming in was very daunting to me. Other than that, everythings been fairly consistant as the past several months. Slowly losing every week, but no major events.

And that’s what brings me to this next part. I didn’t, and still don’t, want to bring this part up. I wanted to ignore that is a part of my past. I wanted to pretend like it wasn’t even a spec in my life. The point of this blog, for me, is to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to be honest, and if I’m hiding things from posts, well… then I’m lying about my experiences. So… here goes nothing.

I use to be best friends, and I mean best friends, with someone years ago. We became friends in middle school, BFFs in high school. Today, I call him “Voltemort” for ’he who shant be named’. He used to call every day, we’d chat about anything and everything. He moved away during high school, but we remained the closest. Went to different colleges, but when we both were in the same place, the party was non-stop. My friendship with him grew into me having an infatuation with him (which is an understatement). His feelings toward me never changed, however - which can you blame him? I was grossly overweight, didn’t take care of myself and was lacking insomeself-confidence. Well, as years passed, I had to hide my feelings and not act on them in order to save our friendship. Best friendship. I grew resentful. I caused scenes, and he did too. We were explosive. He was no angel in all of this either. He had some majoy flaws, major and he didn’t make anything easier as well. Well, at one point, I came to a cross-roads and I had to choose our friendship or me. I chose me. After a dozen years of being best friends, he was out of my life. No more 2 am phone calls. No more hang out sessions. No more bars. No more memories.

The reason I’m telling you all of this dreadfully ill-fated tale is because of recent events. In our friendship-divorce, we split friends. Mostly, whichever friend you introduced to the group is the one you kept. Except for one. One link in the chain. The friend that we both knew seperately. The one that made us become friends in the first place. This friend, well he and I drifted a part a little too, but I like to think it was just the natural course of things. Plus, he was still hanging out with “Voltemort” so I slowly sunk into the shadows. Welp, one of my besties now a days started dating this old friend and he has revived as a part of my life, which I love! I miss this friend dearly. I’m very happy he’s back and I get to catch up with him. There is one caveat. Every now and again, he and old Volty hang out. Said incident happened this past weekend.

I know Voltemort and I both hear things about each other every now and again. Facebook is a wonderful yet awful thing to have in these situations. I don’t care to know about his life, but lifes are so interwined and in the modern world we are just OVERWHELMED with data about people’s day to day. I caught wind that the Voltmeister is in engaged (good for him) and he has heard some rumors of my life as well. I say this as though its nothing. It is. It’s something. He heard about my weight loss surgery. He asked if I had lap-band. My friends who were there corrected him and said that I had gastric bypass. Told him I was doing really well. Lost over 100 lbs, etc. And that was it. He had it confirmed. I had a big enough problem that I needed help. I don’t know if he found joy in my needing help, as some sort of triumph that his life is better - but I’m sure it’s just my mind jumping to conclusions. I hope at the very least he’s happy for me and nothing more.

My regret is that I couldn’t tell him myself. As if I wasn’t willing to admit it to him and it needed to be whispered behind my back for him. As if it is something I should be shameful of… which if I’m being honest, I was very much so at the beginning. I want him toknowthat this was the right things for me. It wasn’t me being weak, but actually strong. I had to set aside my ego and do something to help my life prosper. I’m surprised by my reaction. I’m surprised that that was theonething he wanted to know about my life. Whatever. Seeing as how school is far more time consuming than my weight loss - but whatever. Either way, this is what happens when you don’t have a voice in the matter. I’m not interested in being in his life, nor him in mine and I’m sure he feels the exact same. Things are better without each other and that is SO sad. But its the truth. I just wish my weight didn’t have such an impact, that it is the ONE thing that someone who hasn’t seen me in years, someone who I was SO close to brings up. That. I hate people’s perceptions of things sometimes.

Just because I was overweight, obese, whatever, that wasn’t who I was. But that’s what I seem to be remembered for.

I hope I don’t turn into someone like that. I hope I haven’t done that to someone for their flaws now.

The length of this post is not deserving of much ado. He doesn’t deserve my attention, nor I his, which is why until now, I don’t believe I have mentioned him at all. Hopefully, this will be the last time I do, but for some reason, I doubt it.

Here’s to a better life without the weight AND the baggage.

Posted at 12:46pm and tagged with: old friends, voltemort, friendship-divorce, regret, wls, obese,.